Go to bed, Sasuke!
by Abbandon
Summary: Sasuke just won't go to bed... What's an older brother to do? Make him of course... slight humor
1. Chapter 1

**Go to Bed, Sasuke!!!!**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto... I wish that I did. I would hug Naruto because he is so adorable and I would tell Sakura that she needs to be fucking nicer to him cause he didn't do anything wrong. ...Fucking bitch

**Warning: **I'll let you be the judge of whether this needs a warning or not.

**Abbandon's Note: **Kingdom Hearts yaoi is usually my thing but I do tend to make exceptions. Please enjoy the fic.

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**Sasuke: **Brother, Mother, Father, I'm home!

**Itachi: **_Sasuke_, go to bed.

**Sasuke: **But I just got home and I haven't eaten.

**Itachi: **Sasuke, _go_ to bed!

**Sasuke: **I'm telling Mom that you are starving me!

**Itachi: **Go _to_ bed, Sasuke.

**Sasuke: **Why are you being mean to me?!

**Itachi: **Go to _bed, _Sasuke!

**Sasuke: **_FINE!_ I'm going to bed! But I'm getting an apple first!

**Itachi: **Get your apple and then _go to bed!_

Five minutes later Sasuke returns with apple core

**Itachi: **Sasuke, why are you out of bed?! You better be sleepwalking!

**Sasuke: **But I have to throw to my core away!

**Itachi: **Go… to… bed… Sasuke… Uchiha!

**Sasuke: **Do you have a girl in there or something? Because I learned about that stuff in school and...

**Itachi: **_GO TO BED NOW!_

**Sasuke: **Fine… but use a condom!

**Itachi: **Don't make me come in there and kill you! (Haha, irony)

An hour later

**Sasuke: **Itachi, I heard mom scream.

**Itachi: **What are you doing?! Go to bed!

**Sasuke: **I was trying but I heard mom scream and I got concerned!

**Itachi: **It's nothing! Go to bed!

**Sasuke: **But what about mom…

**Itachi: **Sasuke shut up and go to bed!

**Sasuke: **You know, Itachi, you're a cold-hearted bastard.

**Itachi: **Thank you! Now go to bed before I kill you! (Flashes Sharingan eye)

**Sasuke: **Fine, fine… I'll go to bed.

Two hours later

**Sasuke: **Now I heard Dad scream Itachi, what are you doing with that girl in there?!

**Itachi: **Uchiha Sasuke, shut up!

**Sasuke: **You know, Kakashi-sensei told me that once… he was drunk…

**Itachi: **(quietly) Note to self: kill Kakashi… go to bed, Sasuke!

**Sasuke: **You know what Itachi…

**Itachi: **Yeah… go to bed!

**Sasuke: **I hate you! And nothing can persuade me otherwise.

**Itachi: **I'll show you that shuriken thing tomorrow.

**Sasuke: **I love you, Itachi. (Scampers off to bed)

1 minute… five seconds… 28 milliseconds later

**Sasuke: **Itachi, I have to go to the bathroom!

**Itachi: **WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU???!!! Can't you go to sleep like a normal human being?

**Sasuke: **You're not a normal human being!

**Itachi: **Ah! Touché! BUT STILL, go to bed!

**Sasuke: **Fuck you, Itachi.

**Itachi: **What did you just say to me, Sasuke?

**Sasuke: **That's right, I said fuck you! Your little brother swore and there is nothing you can do about it!

**Itachi: **For the last time… go to bed!

**Sasuke: **You know what… I'm coming in there!

**Itachi: **Wait… Sasuke…no…

**Sasuke: **Oh my god! Mom! DAD!

**Itachi: **(heavy sigh) I told you to stay out… now I have to kill you… great job. Know what, Sasuke I tried to save you but look at what I have to do. I have to kill you!

**Sasuke: **Na…ni?

**Itachi: **Oh no! Don't start speaking Japanese to me! Don't try to sweet talk me out of this one! No fucking way, Sasuke, no fucking way… (Starts going crazy)

**Sasuke: **Umm… Itachi… Your Sharingan is showing!

**Iruka/Axel: **I'M SO FLATTERED!!!!

**Sasuke: **Umm… Iruka-sensei… you're in the wrong part of the series, saying the wrong lines from the wrong series… which isn't really a series… it's a video game.

**Iruka/Axel: **Oops… I'm sorry…uh… what now?

**Kakashi: **GO HOME, IRUKA/Axel!

**Sasuke: **Kakashi, what are you doing here?

**Kakashi: **Getting Iruka… he keeps doing this… popping in on someone else's episode.

**Iruka/Axel: **Go away, Kakashi… wait… what's all this blood?

**Itachi: **I'm emo! GET OUT!

**Kakashi: **But I don't see any cuts on you…

**Itachi: **GET THE FUCK OUT!!!!

**Iruka/Axel: **Fine… we'll leave… but let's meet again in the next life…

**Sasuke: **Wrong series… (Watches his teachers leave)

**Itachi: **Now where were we?

**Sasuke: **You were about to kill me…

**Itachi: **Yeah… well, I changed my mind about that… umm… I killed the whole village while you guys weren't paying attention.

**Sasuke: **You mean…

**Itachi: **That's right… TOGA PARTY!!!!

**Sasuke: **That's not what I meant…

**Itachi: **Oh… yes… we are the only two Uchihas left… and the reason why I am doing this is because Dad ate the last Twinkie… and I'm fucking pissed. And mom… she never really talked to me. She only talked to you. You're always the damn favorite Sasuke!

**Sasuke: **What are you talking about?! You're the favorite!

**Itachi: **Wow… this would've have caused so much less pain if we had just had a nice family chat.

**Sasuke: **Well… now, I must be an avenger and be emo for the rest of my life.

**Itachi: **And I must join a band of a rouge ninja and wear purple nail polish! Quick Sasuke! Fetch the scissors!

**Sasuke: **(Suspiciously) Why?

**Itachi: **I need you to scratch my headband

**Sasuke: **And why do I need to scratch your headband?

**Itachi: **I'm starting a new trend. Follow it… you know it will catch on.

**Sasuke: **But why do I have to do it?

**Itachi: **A simple answer…BECAUSE I SAID SO!!!

**Sasuke: **I don't have to do what you say.

**Itachi: **Nobody is going to say otherwise.

**Sasuke: **I say otherwise.

**Itachi: **Yeah, well your opinion doesn't matter. You're eight.

**Sasuke: **And you're still a bastard!

**Itachi: **And once again, I say thank you.

**Sasuke: **Here! (Scratches line through headband) There you go you, bastard!

**Itachi: **You know, the more you say it… the more it inflates my ego.

**Sasuke: **They're gonna catch you Itachi.

**Itachi: **No they won't. Because I'm a ninja. And you're not!

**Sasuke: **I will be one day!

**Itachi: **But not today!

**Sasuke: **I hate you!

**Itachi: **I'll teach you that shuriken thing tomorrow.

**Sasuke: **That's not going to work anymore. You're standing a pool of mom's blood.

**Itachi: **And Dad's. Don't forget Dad's!

**Sasuke: **… Will you still teach me that shuriken thing tomorrow?

**Itachi: **Hell to the no! (Jumps away like a ninja)

**Sasuke: **CURSE YOU… Damn I just stepped in mom's blood…

**Itachi: **(screaming from far away) AND DAD'S! DON'T FORGET DAD'S!!!

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**Abbandon's Note: **Haha! It wasn't Uchihacest! I tricked all of you SasukexItachi fangirls! Go ahead! Flame me for it! I'll get a huge laugh out of reading them. Caffeine, sugar, overall insanity and too much Naruto brought this fic to you. My bestest buddy and beta; RomanticSoul07 brought this fic to you as well. This is also from her crazed mind.


	2. AN: IMPORTANT PLEASE READ!

**Abbandon's Note:**For all those who do not know, there is a sequel for "Go to Bed, Sasuke. It is called "Dearest Little Brother" and it is under my best friend, beta, and new-turned co-author DarlingMalfuction. Please look for it, read it, and review.

Love and Arsenic,

Lady Abbandon


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